


what goes around

by juuliiee



Series: what goes around! universe [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Friendship, Infidelity, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2012-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-13 22:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juuliiee/pseuds/juuliiee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can friendships survive even the worst kind of betrayal?</p>
            </blockquote>





	what goes around

**Author's Note:**

> Background story: Aiden, Niall and Harry have been best friends since they were little kids. Niall has been dating Liam for five years, Harry has been with Louis for two years, and Aiden has been with Matt since... forever. Zayn is a beautiful stranger. 
> 
>  
> 
> Based on a true story.

_**Matt, Spring 2016, London** _

Matt knows he is too old for this. He doesn't know how many times he has said this to himself during the last four years, and still, here he is, in all this drama. He knew life wouldn't be simple when he got himself a boyfriend who is so much younger than himself, Aiden was only a teenager back then, but Matt is over 30 now, for gods sake, he should be thinking about weddings and babies and houses and not all this emotional and angsty drama.

He loves Aiden, of course, or he wouldn't still be here. And Aiden's friends are great too. He admires that Aiden is still friends with Niall and Harry even after almost 15 years of knowing each other. They are so different, but he's never met a group of friends who are closer than there are. Or were, or whatever he's supposed to say now. It seems impossible now, but he hopes they can get through this, forgiveness, and it's a lot to ask for, because Matt knows if that was him, he would never, ever be able to forgive something like that. Not even for someone he had been friends with for 15 years.

Matt was always closer to Louis and Liam, probably because they were the "new people" in this tight group of friends, and that gave them something in common when Aiden and Harry and Niall would disappear into their own world of memories and inside jokes. But this mess affects him too, because Aiden is devastated and miserable and so Matt is devastated and miserable too. Yeah, life is pretty shit right now. But he doesn't want to complain, because there are a lot of people who are genuinely and deeply hurting right now, and he doesn't mean to trivialize that, it's just so difficult when there isn't anything you can really do for them, except be there when they need you and stay away when they need that, and learning to tell the difference.

Sometimes Matt blames himself. Because it was him that knew Zayn and got him involved in the first place. He met Zayn through work, well, Zayn was a bartender in a bar where Matt and his band often played. And no, this is not Zayn's fault, but that night out with his band and Aiden and Louis (that weekend where Liam had taken Niall and Harry to the Justin Bieber concert in Dublin, but the rest of them had refused to join them), where he had asked Zayn to come along was kind of the beginning of this stupid, ridiculous mess, and if he hadn't invited him along none of this would ever have happened.

Matt wants to sleep until this is over and Aiden is happy again.

 

 

_**Liam, January 2016** _

It's the frantic knocking on the door that wakes Liam up from his peaceful dream. He pulls the pillow up over his head in a desperate attempt to block the knocking out, hoping whoever it is who thinks it's a good idea to visit them at 4 in the goddamn morning, on a Sunday none the less, will just go away again. Niall stirs in his sleep next to him, he's always been a heavy sleeper, and Liam doesn't want him to wake up, so he groans and eventually drags himself out of his warm bed to the front door.

It's Harry. For the first two seconds he wants to yell at him and tell him to fuck off, and come back at a more acceptable time, but then he notices Harry's face and the tears and the red eyes, and oh no this is not good.

"Harry," he whispers and pulls him inside, "what happened?"

Harry collapses in his arms, and sobs, and doesn't say anything. "Harry…" Liam doesn't know what to do, he is not good with crying and he's never seen Harry of all people cry before, "do you want me to get Niall?"

Harry nods, tears rolling down his cheeks; it's a devastatingly heartbreaking sight.

He shakes Niall awake and Niall is not pleased. "What!?"

"Babe, sorry, but Harry's here. Something is wrong," he says and Niall is up and out by Harry's side in less than five seconds.

Liam is sitting awkwardly on the sofa, Niall is hugging Harry and stroking his hair, "Oh babe, what's happened? Why are you crying? Is it Louis?"

Harry finally looks up at them, biting his bottom lip. "Yeah… I…" he can barely talk, loud sobs in between every word he speaks. "Louis… he… he's seeing someone… he doesn't want me anymore, and I…"

It takes a long time, but they eventually get the whole story out of Harry, well, as much as he wants, or can, tell them, and it's difficult to understand between all the crying.

Liam is speechless, and he knows Niall is too. Where did this come from? In what world would _Louis_ cheat on _Harry_. And not just cheat on him, but leave him, no, _kick him out_ , for someone else? No, this doesn't make sense at all.

"Fucking Louis, that shit! I KNEW he was bad for you Harry, I should have-!" Niall has jumped up and is suddenly angry and yelling, startling Harry so much so that he stops crying.

"Niall," Liam says, "that doesn't help right now. That's not what Harry needs."

"But-" Niall protest, and Liam just has to send him a look that clearly says, _not what he needs right now_.

"I'm sorry," Niall says, both to Liam and Harry, as he sits down again, "it's just," he looks at Harry, "when people hurt someone I love, my best friend, how am I supposed to react…"

Harry starts crying again, leaning his head on Niall's shoulder.

 _Louis is our friend too_ , Liam thinks, and he hates how complicated life just got. _God, everything is going to change now_. He kind of hopes that everything here is just a misunderstanding, and that Harry is just being a drama queen, he is Harry after all, and that everything and everyone will soon go back to normal. He cannot lose Louis as a friend; he is closest to Louis out of all of them. Well, except for Niall, of course.

He looks over at Harry, and he knows it is serious though.

 

 

It's not until the early afternoon where they've finally gotten Harry to sleep in the guestroom and they are alone in their bedroom again, lying side by side, Niall clinging to Liam, as if he is afraid that Liam will suddenly leave too, that they can talk about what just happened.

"I just don't understand how Louis could do this…"

"Yeah, me neither." "Fucking Louis, I can't believe him!" Niall burst out again, slamming his hands down on the bed. Liam rolls over and puts an arm around him, "Niall…"

"I know, I know."

"We just have to focus on taking care of Harry now – we can deal with Louis later," Liam says and pulls his boyfriend tighter.

It wasn't much sleep they were allowed to get that day, because just a few hours later Aiden is standing in their bedroom, having apparently let himself in, and wringing his hands nervously.

Maybe it should be a little odd that none of them are uncomfortable even though Niall and Liam are naked and in each other's arms, but they have all seen each other in far, far more compromising positions.

"Oh no, our little Harry, oh he's must be just devastated," Aiden says and twists his mouth nervously, head shaking a little. "How is he?"

"Not great," Liam says, and feels stupid immediately after the words leave his mouth – what a dumb, dumb thing to say. The look Niall is sending him also shows that wasn't the most sensitive thing to say right now. He rolls his eyes, and looks up at Aiden. "What Liam is _trying_ to say is that Harry's been crying since four in the morning, but we got him to sleep now, but he's just… heartbroken."

Aiden sits down on the bed, "So, do we know who this guy is?" he asks.

Niall shakes his head, "No, not really, Louis met him on a night out a few weeks ago, and has apparently been 'seeing' him ever since."

"Though," Liam interrupts, "Matt knows him, well, he works at that bar where Matt's band plays all the time, the place we don't like because it's so sleazy…"

Aiden's eyes go impossibly wide, "Oh my god, I know that guy!"

"You know him?"

"Well, I met him the same night Louis did, I just thought they got on great, I never thought something was… His name is Zayn."

"Zayn?"

Three pairs of eyes look towards the door where Harry is standing. Aiden hurries over to him and hugs him tightly, "Harry, I'm so sorry, anything you need just tell me."

"Mmmm, okay…" Harry mumbles into Aiden's shoulder. "His name is Zayn? What a stupid name."

Liam gets out from under the covers and puts an arm around Harry, who has finally been released from Aiden's grip, "That's not important Harry, he's not important."

Harry collapses on the floor and cries some more, and Liam is _helpless_. He leaves Harry with Niall and Aiden and goes to call Matt. He might as well just tell him that Aiden will be staying here for the next couple of days, at least for as long as Harry is like this. He knows that means Matt will basically be here too.

 

 

It is four days later and Liam goes to visit Louis. He doesn't tell the other boys, just saying he will go do some shopping, but the look Niall gives him tells him to _be nice_ and _don't say anything to Harry about it_ , which is stupid because Niall himself will definitely tell Harry about it.

Four days is probably the longest he has ever gone without seeing one of the boys since they met, and it's ridiculous, but they just seem to spend all their time together in their little circle of friends. Until now.

Louis opens the door on the third knock and he looks surprised to see Liam, but he looks like himself and Liam has really missed him a lot.

"Liam!" Louis says, smiling brightly, "didn't expect to see you. Here. Today. Or at all…"

"You really screwed him up Lou," Liam says and walks past Louis into the flat.

"Ehm, Liam, it's not that it's not great to see you, but…" Louis says, shooting glances at the door to the bathroom. "You've got someone here?" Liam asks, already knowing the answer.

Louis avoids the question, catches Liam's arm with his hand. "Liam, I never meant to hurt Harry, I love him, I still do, but things haven't been the same between us for a while, I'm not in love with him anymore."

"I understand that, Louis, but the way you did it – you kicked him out! After you'd been shagging some random guy for weeks! That is not the Louis I know and love."

"I didn't _kick him out_ , I told him we shouldn't live together anymore. And this _is_ my flat," Louis says, then sighs, "and he's not just a rando -"

The door to the bathroom opens and a very, very good looking guy steps out. "Lou, I can't find the – oh, hi," the guy says, looking a little startled to see someone else in the flat.

"Hi," is all Liam can say. This must be _Zayn_ , and oh god he is gorgeous. Liam does not know what to say, he wants to hate Zayn, for hooking up with Louis, for hurting Harry, and for ruining their friendship group. He is distracted by all the prettiness, though, and this is not about Zayn anyway.

"Louis, I should go now. I think – I hope we can work something out, so we can still be friends. I miss you. And you need to talk to Harry, don't let yelling and tears be your goodbye," he says and goes back to the door.

"I miss you too, Li, but things will be fine. Harry's… he's very emotional right now, I understand that, but he'll get over it, he'll realise we were never right for each other, we were basically friends with benefits, and it was great but it is time to move on from that," Louis says, and then goes over to hug Liam.

"Couldn't you have ended the relationship _before_ you started sleeping with – "

Liam stops talking, he is not getting in the middle of everything, again, so he just smiles and hugs Louis back, "Talk to Harry."

Liam goes home and clings desperately to Niall, afraid that if he lets go for just a second he'll lose him forever. Niall is a bit confused by it, but lets it happen, happily.

The truth is, with Harry living with them and Aiden being around all the time, he and Niall haven't had any time alone. But even before that they hadn't had much time for each other. Niall with the new promotion at work, which he is very proud of, has been working all the time and there are new responsibilities he has to get used to, and Liam just had his book published and he has just been very overwhelmed, so there hasn't been a lot of time for _them_.

Liam is going to make sure they spend some quality time together tonight, it has been too long. He won't let them grow apart like Harry and Louis did, he _won't_. He pushes away thoughts of how something Louis had said had hit him hard.

They watch a movie with Harry that night, and Harry laughs genuinely for the first time since he moved in and it is wonderful to see, Liam feels like they've accomplished something. When Harry goes to bed Liam fucks Niall into their mattress, not bothering to be romantic because they don't need it, not tonight, and he loves feeling Niall all around him, begging him, moaning his name and just the sight of their skin glistening in sweat is would be enough to get him off.

Afterwards, when they're lying side by side, Liam remembers the cheeky, adorable boy he fell in love with almost five years ago, and how much he has matured, changed, over the years. He remembers how Niall introduced him to his friends, and how he pretty much moved on from his own friends, and he knows that was a pretty shitty thing of him to do, but he just got on so well with Niall's friends, and he didn't need anything or anyone else.

Maybe he should try to contact some of them again – see what they're doing now, he needs friends that are less complicated and less drama. Maybe it wouldn't be a totally awful thing to have some _straight_ friends for a change.

Niall smiles at him, says goodnight, and Liam kisses his cheek. He wishes he wasn't constantly thinking so much, it makes his head hurt and he's sure that people who think less, and just do, have less complicated lives.

 

 

A couple of weeks later Liam is sitting on the sofa, just enjoying the peace and quiet. Harry is feeling a lot better recently, so Matt has finally convinced Aiden that he should come home again, and their flat is suddenly a lot less crowded with just the three of them, especially considering that Niall works long hours and is only really there in the evenings. This afternoon, though, Niall is not at work, but with Matt and Aiden planning a surprise birthday party for Harry. He told Liam to stay home and keep Harry occupied there, keep him entertained.

Liam has no idea how in the world he is supposed to entertain Harry Styles, considering that Harry is crazy and spontaneous and loud and Liam is… not. This is probably the reason he was always the least close to Harry out of all of them.

But they have grown a lot closer lately, and this is the one bonus of this whole –Louis-and-Harry-breaking-up ordeal they've been through. (Because, yes, it is indeed something that all of them have been going through. They've _lost_ Louis, for gods sake.) He has discovered another side of Harry; he has always known that Harry is also thoughtful and intelligent, but he has finally seen it himself.

"Hey Li," Harry says as he sits down next to Liam, "where's Niall?"

"Matt and Aiden."

"Surprise birthday party?"

"Yep." It is also totally impossible to keep anything secret from Harry. "Great, I could need a party, and if there's anything Matt and Aiden are good at, well, except for having sex all the time, of course, it's throwing a good party."

Liam smiles, and puts an arm around Harry, "Just don't tell them I told you. Niall will kill me."

Harry rolls his eyes, "Ah please, like they don't already know I know."

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while, but Liam can tell that Harry is worried about something, he can see it by the way Harry is nervously chewing on his bottom lip.

"Harry?"

Harry looks up, "Do you think I'm attractive?" he asks.

Liam is momentarily stunned. Harry is always so self-confident, and he _knows_ he's attractive.

"Harry, where is this coming from?" he has to ask.

Harry sighs, "it's just, I've heard from people that this _Zayn_ guy is overwhelmingly pretty and I just… maybe he's prettier than me. Aiden says he's not, but I could tell he was lying, and I know you've seen him too – Liam, Niall tells me everything, don't look so shocked. So is he? Like really good looking, I mean?"

"Harry," Liam interrupts his rambling, instantly feeling guilty because he remembers thinking how hot Zayn was, and he doesn't want to lie to Harry, but the sad expression in Harry's eyes is almost enough to kill him; "Zayn is good looking, but no one is prettier than you."

Liam thinks Harry's smile is worth all the trouble of having him stay with them for the past three or four weeks.

"I'm home!" Niall shouts and drops his bags on the floor, and Liam didn't even hear him come in. Liam wishes he would stop feeling like Niall just walked in on something far more intimate than just talking, and he wishes he wouldn't feel so startled by it all. He practically jumps up from the sofa and hugs Niall, "I missed you."

"I missed you too, babe," Niall says and kisses him, surprised again.

Liam feels like a total bastard for the rest of the day, avoids Harry like the plague and doesn't stop kissing Niall, and then chooses to ignore this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He is both very relieved and very disappointed when Harry tells them two days later that he has found a place to live.

 

 

_**Louis, February 2016** _

It might have been a mistake, Louis thinks, this thing with Zayn, but it was a mistake he needed to make. He's only really "been" with Zayn (officially) for about a month when he realises that he and Zayn don't really match at all. He doesn't regret it though.

He is sitting on the edge of his bed now, phone in his hand, having just broken it off with Zayn who was very understanding and accepting of the situation. A lot more than Harry was, but then again, he and Harry did have several years together, you can't really compare. And it's not like Zayn will have much trouble finding someone new.

"Let's just be friends" he had told Zayn, and Zayn had nodded, and Louis thinks this will be one of the very rare cases where it will probably happen. Louis is very happy about that since he has lost most of his old friends and they basically all hate him now. Except maybe Liam, who did come to see him and didn't just stand and shout abuse in his face the way Aiden did two days before Liam had come to see him. But then again, Niall probably won't let Liam be friends with Louis anymore and Liam will do what Niall says because Liam can't stand up for himself. Liam is bigger and stronger but it's Niall who is in charge, and that is how it has always been.

A chance of making up with his friends was one of the major reasons Louis decided to end it with Zayn, because he can't live without them; he misses them so much. This month of not talking has shown him just how dependent he is on them and how much they mean to him.

It's Harry's birthday today. This is why Louis is sitting with his phone in his hand. His dear, sweet, young, beautiful Harry and he doesn't know whether he should call or text or if it's better that he just doesn't do anything at all. He has no desire to get back together, but he misses their friendship and he misses Harry and he thinks the least he can do is acknowledge that he is aware of this important day. Harry was always very fond of birthdays.

There is no way he is going to go over and see him. He knows that Harry is living with Liam and Niall right now and he cannot face any of them. It would just be awkward and they are probably having a party and everyone will be there and no, it's no good.

Five hours, and several alcoholic drinks, a lot of junk food and cheap reality shows, later he decides to text Harry.

_Hi H, happy birthday, hope ur having a great time! X_

He is embarrassed to admit that it took him twenty minutes to decide if he should add kisses to the end of his text; he doesn't want to send out the wrong signals, but decides that, for gods sake, _two years_.

He doesn't expect a reply, it's only been a month since the break-up and Harry was very, very upset. By the time he falls asleep hours later there is still no reply.

When he wakes up the next morning (mid-day, to be honest), there are two unread texts. He sees one from Harry and he is a little worried as he opens it.

_Thank you x_

It's pretty basic, but it makes Louis smile, because maybe they will be alright. He hopes so. The next one is from Liam.

_Harry is really happy you texted, I think you should come see him soon, it won't be as bad as you think._

Louis starts laughing, totally out of the blue, he doesn't know why, but he feels that maybe it's from relief or something like it. _It won't be as bad as you think_.

 

 

It's not until two weeks later though that he finally manages to get himself to Liam and Niall's home, even though they live only ten minutes walking distance from him. He hesitates before knocking and as he hears footsteps coming towards him he almost runs away.

Niall opens the door, and they just stare at each of for a while.

"Wow, this is awkward," Louis says and tries a little smile. Niall is still just staring back at him, before, amazingly, there's a glimpse of a tiny smile. "Hi, Louis."

"How are you?"

"We're good."

"And the thing at work is working out really well, I hear, congratulations."

"Yeah, it's good, really good."

Louis nods, "Good to hear."

It's so weird to have these decent, adult conversations with Niall (proper, meaningless chit chat as his grandmother would have said) when they used to talk mostly about sex positions, animal noises, favourite body parts, boybands (Niall fancies The Wanted but Louis prefers that new one from the X Factor) and who did the dumbest thing last time they went out, but at least they are talking and it's not awful.

"I'm guessing you want to talk to Harry?"

"Yeah…"

"He doesn't live here anymore, he moved out last week. You want the address?"

"Okay, yes sure, I'd like that."

Niall disappears from his view, and Louis debates whether to go into the flat or just wait outside, unsure of what exactly his role is here at the moment, but before his mind can make itself up Niall is back with a note with an address on.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

He gets in a taxi and gives the taxi driver the address. He doesn't ring the doorbell this time, just walks in, because he wants this to be as casual as possible.

"Harry? Hey, are you home?"

"Louis?"

It's Liam. _That's odd_ , Louis' brain registers but he doesn't take any note of it, he just smiles cheekily when Liam pulls him into a hug.

"That's right, it's all me."

Liam grins at him. "Hey, yeah, I'm just helping Harry with these lamps," he says and points to a box in the hallway. There's a loud bump from one of the rooms and a lot of swearing and Liam rolls his eyes at Louis, "This is why Harry needs help with these things. Anyway, you're probably here to talk to him, not me, which I think is great, by the way. Just follow the complaining."

Liam gives what is probably meant to be a reassuring smile and leaves the flat. Louis is almost about to ask him to stay because he is not entirely sure that Harry won't kill him, and despite everything, he really, really likes his life and it would suck to lose it so soon.

He follows Harry's swearing and sees him on the floor, covered in white paint and bed sheets. He cannot help the laugh escaping his mouth.

"Li, don't you stand there laughing, help me - Oh, Louis, hi," Harry says, suddenly sounding a lot quieter and… younger, somehow.

"Harry..."

Louis is suddenly at a loss for words, all the things he wanted to say gone from his brain.

"Louis."

There is a long moment of silence before Louis speaks up again. "I think we should be friends."

Harry looks up at him and bites his lip, confusion and doubt all over his face. "You really hurt me."

"I know, I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm not taking you back."

"I'm not asking you to, I just want to be friends with you. I miss you."

Harry smiles then, bright and genuine, "I miss you, too."

So they talk. A maybe cry a little bit, but they laugh, too.

As Louis walks home he tries to remember their talk, but he can't, but he can remember feeling like _this will be okay, we can be friends again – Harry won't kill me_.

Not friends like they used to be; Louis is not naïve and he knows things can never be exactly like they used to be, and they can't go back now, but this does give him a sense of security. Security that a guy like Zayn, for all his beauty and coolness, could never give him.

Harry may forgive him eventually, but he's not sure that Niall and Aiden ever will, which he thinks is stupid because if Harry can forgive him, then why shouldn't they be able to?

 _Their problem, not mine_.

 

 

"So, how are things with your friends?" Zayn asks him a couple of weeks later as they sit in a Starbucks in the town centre.

"Eh, okay, I guess," Louis says because it's the truth.

He has been texting with Niall and Liam, and he's even seen Harry twice since that day he showed up unexpectedly in Harry's flat. Just quick, casual, coffee dates during lunch breaks, and it's getting better between them. He suspects Harry only wants to see him because he's a bit lonely now that's he's living on his own, but he doesn't care about _why_ Harry wants to see him, he's just happy that it's happening.

"What's up with you?" he asks Zayn wanting to change the subject.

Zayn sighs, looking especially moody, but it's hard to tell Zayn's true emotions because he always looks sort of moody. It's apparently part of his look.

"Nothing much, quit my job at the bar, I want to do something else, I'm bored with it."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know… maybe travel for a bit, and then find a more serious job, hopefully more money."

Louis smiles at Zayn wanting a 'serious job' – bartending was always more of a party he got paid for than an actual job.

They chat for a while and then go their separate ways. When Louis gets home he crashes on his bed, exhausted. He's lonely, he realises, he wants to reach out to Matt or Liam but they've changed, or he has changed, or something has changed; he wants to talk to Harry but it's too different; he wants to go travelling with Zayn, get away from everything for a while may be just what he needs.

He is brought of out his day dreaming by his phone beeping. It's just a text from his mum, but as he stands with the phone in his hand he figures he might as well just call someone.

"Hey Matt, want to hang out tonight?"

Matt agrees to hang out with him; Aiden is busy with something else. They meet at the cinema and as they are buying their drinks Louis' curiosity gets the better of him; "So, where is Aiden tonight? I was a bit surprised that you actually had time for me tonight?"

It's not that Louis doesn't want to hang out with Aiden, it's just that it's not a lot of fun being a third wheel to Matt and Aiden – you might as well just be by yourself.

"Niall bought this new TV and you know how Niall is hopeless with that kind of thing, so Aiden's helping him set it up."

Louis chuckles at the scenario because he can see it in his mind, Niall frustrated, moaning and helpless and Aiden cursing and telling everyone else how useless they are. Liam will be trying to avoid them by hiding in the bedroom until it is over.

"Liam's having a great night then, I can imagine," Louis says and laughs, as he sits down in his seat. "Nah," Matt says, "probably hiding out at Harry's."

_Okay. That's new._

"So, how is Aiden by the way, I haven't talked to him since… well, you know."

Matt stuffs his mouth with popcorn before answering, "He's good you know, he's a bit shook up by how things have changed, a bit freaked out, more so than Harry ever was, " he says and laughs affectionately, "but he's fine. Harry put him in charge of decorating his new flat and he's loving every minute of it. He bosses Niall around, making him buy all sorts of shitty stuff that is apparently _decorative_. Harry's a bit smarter so he just disappears whenever they start."

He smiles at Louis, grinning, before focusing his attention on the movie they're supposed to be watching. Louis tries to do the same, but he can't. He wonders if he is the only one who can see it coming. He thinks that maybe he should do something or try to talk to someone, but is it even his place to do that at all?

 

 

After a lot of thinking through the night (and yes, his decline in social life has made him a thinker) he decides to call Liam the next day. Liam is reasonable and more rational than Harry so surely he will know that he should stop doing whatever he is doing, or maybe he will tell Louis that he is being paranoid and seeing things that aren't there and then yell at him for being an idiot, but as he picks up his phone to make the call a text message tells him that it is already too late.

 

 

_**Harry, February and March 2016** _

Harry looks at the emptiness of his new bedroom. He likes the freshness of the place – new, clean, white – fresh start. He can hear Liam on the other side of the wall putting up some lamps in the hallway. He goes over to look out of the window, but suddenly he's tripping over something, landing in the box labeled 'sheets', falling over into the paint he has just finished using.

He cannot help the swearing and moaning, so much for clean then. He hears someone laughing behind him, and he doesn't understand, because there is no way this is funny in any way.

"Li, don't you stand there laughing, help me – " he looks up, and that is certainly not Liam, "Oh, Louis hi." He had not expected to see Louis today, but he knew this was coming, it can't be avoided forever. He had expected it to be painful and horrible, but now when Louis is standing here in front of him – it's not really. Well a little, but not as he had expected at all. Maybe he really has moved on more than he thought he had.

"Harry," Louis says and smiles a little.

"Louis."

The silence is awkward, especially considering how they used to be. Even when they in the past had been fighting or upset with each other there had never been silence between them.

"I think we should be friends," Louis finally says. Relief washes over Harry, which is another emotion he hadn't been expecting. He realises that yes, he does want Louis' friendship – but he's not sure if he can if he's still seeing that guy. How is he supposed to act around them if they're together?

"You really hurt me," is all he can think of to say.

"I know, I'm so, so sorry."

He's not sure what Louis wants, if he wants to start over again. Harry doesn't want that, he is moving on and he's happy with that decision.

"I'm not taking you back."

Louis grins a little then. "I'm not asking you to, I just want to be friends with you. I miss you."

Harry has to smile at that, "I miss you, too."

After Louis leaves, after they have talked, Harry feels… accomplished. Like he understands the direction their relationship can now go in, in time, not yet because it's still so soon, but eventually. It feels like closure.

He gets back to his lamps and then realises that Liam must have left when Louis came, and he sighs and feels disappointed at the sudden silence.

 

 

Niall, Liam, Aiden and Matt all decide to invite themselves to his new home the next day and have a small 'housewarming' party. Well, not so much a party as a 'just the five of us drinking and talking and being stupid' night.

Niall is his usual chatty self and after the first two bottles of wine he is dancing on Harry's bed. "Harry, Harry," he slurs and throws his arms around Harry, "dance with me."

Harry laughs and shakes his head, "No way, Niall, I'm not nearly drunk enough for dancing yet."

Matt and Aiden are talking to him about their plans for the summer and their new kitchen and everything else, but Harry is mostly focusing on how Liam is definitely _not_ talking to him at all. They've gotten really close since he and Louis broke up, they've talked about everything, and he was never particularly close to Liam before, but now he loves being around him and he's so funny and smart and sweet… yeah, Harry just really misses him even though he is sitting right there next to him.

Harry shakes himself out if it, he doesn't know why, but he feels uncomfortable thinking about Liam in that way. It's inappropriate, it makes him sound like he _wants_ Liam, and he definitely, definitely does not. No, not at all. Liam belongs to Niall. And Niall is his best friend. So no, he won't even think about thinking about it.

It's still awful though.

Aiden has joined the dancing Niall now, and Matt is sitting on the sofa laughing brightly. Liam is shaking his head, lovingly, and smiling at them. Harry feels left out.

At four in the morning the guys decides to leave, well Harry practically forces them because he does have to sleep just a little. It's a Monday tomorrow so, you know, work and everything…

Matt and Aiden have left, and now he and Liam are standing by the door, waiting for Niall to finish in the bathroom. He looks up at Liam and Liam instantly looks away.

"Liam, I…"

"Harry, please don't," Liam just says with so sad eyes that Harry wants to cry.

"I just want…"

"Please, Harry."

Niall comes tumbling out then, throwing himself at Liam and kissing him sloppily on the cheek. Liam laughs, but it doesn't reach his eyes, saying "let's get you home and in bed." Niall laughs and winks, and then kisses Harry goodbye.

Harry maybe cries himself to sleep that night, but he doesn't want to think about why he does it.

 

 

For the next couple of weeks Harry makes up a lot of excuses as to why he is unable to spend time with his friends – he's working late, he's meeting his parents for dinner, he's even said he's spending time with his work mates, which he never usually does. He did go to Matt and Aiden's one night when he knew Liam and Niall wouldn't be there, but that's it. He cannot stand the thought of spending time with Liam and Niall and he doesn't want to… yeah, he just doesn't want to want.

But then Liam comes to see him one night. Harry is sitting watching TV and Liam has apparently let himself in, because suddenly he's just standing there in front of him.

"Liam-" he starts but he is interrupted before he can continue. "Harry, Niall is upset because he thinks you are annoyed with him for dancing on your furniture and being sick on your bathroom floor and that's why you've been avoiding us."

Oh, so him avoiding them had been that obvious.

"I'm not annoyed, and I've not been avoiding you."

Liam just needs to look at him, and Harry sighs, "Yeah, okay, I have."

Neither of them seems to know what to say next, until Liam sits down next to Harry, and this is the closest they've been in weeks. "Harry, please don't avoid us; we miss you."

Harry looks up at Liam and is a bit taken aback when he looks straight into Liam's eyes and he's suddenly forgotten what he wanted to say.

He's not thinking straight, because this is Liam and it's him, and right now it's just the two of them here alone, and is that Liam's hands on his face?

It is. And he doesn't know who leans in first, but it doesn't matter, because Liam's lips are on his, just touching lightly and Harry cannot help but press into it. He's just parted his lips when Liam pulls away quickly, a wild look in his eyes, panting too loudly for a kiss that chaste.

"Harry, this is not – this cannot…" he's shaking his head and looking down at his lap, "just… no."

Harry just sits and stares at him, and he wants to kiss him again _so, so badly_ and he feels like a shit for wanting it.

Liam looks up again, right into his eyes, right into his soul, and for the first time in a long time Harry does exactly what he wants to do. He pulls Liam to him and it's almost desperate as he tastes Liam again. When he realizes that Liam is now fully on top of him he gasps and Liam takes this opportunity to slip his tongue in Harry's mouth. Harry groans deeply, a strong, desperate need somewhere inside him and he wraps his arms tightly around Liam, kissing him back, tasting every corner of his mouth, moaning when Liam's lips leave his and attaches themselves to his neck, forgetting everything else for just a moment.

He pushes up against Liam, feeling how they're both already hard, and then Liam is off of him, standing in the middle of the room, "No! No!"

"Liam, I-"

"No, I can't, we can't – Niall…"

Harry wants to cry. He wants Liam so desperately, a kiss has never felt so amazing before, but they _can't_. They can't. He has to keep repeating that to himself.

Liam leaves without saying anything more. Harry feels sick knowing that Liam is going home to Niall, kissing him, making love to him, and he's the most horrible person in the whole world because Niall is his best friend and he has to accept that Liam belongs to Niall.

With a sinking feeling in his stomach he admits to himself that he is in love with Liam.

He was dumped by his boyfriend of over two years, totally out of the blue and god did it hurt, and now he is in love with his friend. Who is also his best friend's boyfriend. And he thinks the feelings are returned and they can never, ever do anything about it.

He doesn't know what to do so he texts Louis.

_Im so confused about Liam, I don't know what to do_

_What happened?_ Is Louis' response.

_We kissed_

_Oh Harry what are u going to do?_

Harry remembers that everything is Louis' fault to begin with and it's his fault he is where he is right now. Fucking idiot Louis – ruining it for all of them. He doesn't text back.

 

 

He goes to the market the next day to clear his head, to get away from everything. He is standing in line waiting to use one of those disgusting public toilets when someone yells his name. He turns around and is met by a blinding smile and happy eyes.

Niall.

"Hey," he says, trying to make his voice not shake so much. He feels like betrayal is written all over him, but Niall just hugs him. "I didn't know you were here today – you should have told us, we could have all gone together."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, " he says and instinctively reaches up to touch the mark Liam left yesterday.

And there he is coming towards them now, hesitating a bit when he sees Harry there.

"Hi Harry," he says and Harry smiles back at him and tries to not think about how it felt to have Liam hard and on top of him, pushing him down into the sofa.

"I – I need to go, " he says quickly, "Sorry guys, I'll see you some other day."

He needs to get out of there and fast. His heart cannot take this. When Louis broke up with him Harry didn't think it was possible to feel worse than he did then, but it is. He continues to ignore everyone, even Aiden, but especially Niall, because he can't live with himself if he ever hurt Niall.

 _What about you, Harry, can you live with yourself if you keep hurting yourself_ Louis asks him in a text. He has to talk to Louis about this because there is no one else. He just wants to get over Liam and go back to the way things used to be. But he can't.

 

 

A week later he is doing grocery shopping when suddenly Liam is standing right in front of him. "Harry, can we – can we talk outside – in my car?" He has grabbed Harry's hand and it feels like every part of his body is on fire. He doesn't know how to say no.

"Okay."

Liam leaves, and Harry forgets almost everything on his list so he can follow him.

It's freezing cold in Liam's car, but it doesn't matter because he is holding Harry's hands again. "Harry, I'm sorry about what happened, I shouldn't have – "

Harry opens his mouth to object, but Liam just shakes his head before continuing. "No, Harry, let me say what I need to say, then you can say whatever you will."

He drops Harry's hands and looks away from him and out of the window. "I'm in love with you, Harry."

Harry thinks that maybe he can't breathe anymore.

"I am, and I'm so sorry about it, I don't know how it happened. I shouldn't have let it happen. I love Niall, I do, but… I don't know what to do." He finally looks back to Harry, he's biting his lip and looking so unsure – and Liam never looks unsure.

"I'm in love with you, too."

Liam starts crying, and Harry wonders if it's okay for them to cry this much, but hugs him tightly, kissing his cheek and his nose. He kisses Liam's tears away and soon his lips find Liam's, their tears making it smooth and wet, tongues tangling together, tasting each other, desperate. Harry lets his hands travel down Liam's chest and stomach and up under his shirt. Liam pushes him down on the seat and he lets himself get lost in Liam's tongue and hands, all over his body.

This time it's Harry that pulls away, an image of Niall creeping into his mind. His blinding smile and trusting, loving eyes and _they can't do this_.

"Oh god, oh god oh god oh god," he says as he pulls away.

"I know," is all Liam says in response.

"We can't do this."

"I know."

Harry has to get himself together, he can feel the tears coming and he's not sure he has enough air in him to continue breathing. The way Liam is sitting there looking so sad, so hurt, so ashamed, so beautiful, is almost more than he can take.

"We should maybe stay away from each other for a while."

Liam nods and smiles sadly at Harry, an awfully heartbreaking sight. "Yes, of course."

 

 

But they can't keep away from each other. And people would notice if they suddenly just stopped seeing each other, Harry tells himself.

Liam will tell Niall some horrible lie, or Niall will be at work, and then he'll come see Harry and Harry is lost in Liam again. It happens four times in the next ten days. They don't have sex because Harry feels that is the final step he can't take, and he knows Liam feels the same way, that sex will make it too real, and they won't be able to stop again. It's a lie, though, because even as it is now, they can't go back. What will happen is inevitable, they're just choosing this little bubble where it's just the two of them and no one else exists. A little world where no one will get hurt.

But they come close one day. Liam is pushing Harry against the kitchen table, hands roaming over his naked chest, sucking, kissing, wet and sloppy, biting marks into Harry's collarbone. Harry can feel how hard Liam is against him and he moans and clings desperately to him. "I want you so badly, please fuck me," he whispers in Liam's ear and Liam looks up at him, biting his lip, a deep groan, hands grabbing at Harry's sides.

"Shit Harry," Liam moans and kisses him again, hard and hungrily, pushing against him, closer, closer.

It's the loud noise of something shattering on the floor that tears them apart and they both look up.

"Niall."

 

 

_**Niall, March, April and May 2016** _

_"Niall, please wait, let me expl-"_

It's raining and it's all Niall remember from the walk home. He may have been running or crying or stumbling into people, he has no idea. But it was definitely raining and Niall only remembers that part because it was so appropriate. He doesn't even remember which streets he walked or how he even survived and he's not sure he even registered what he had just witnessed or who's voice it was talking to him.

It's not until he lets himself into the flat that he finally lets it sink in. It was Harry… with Liam. Harry was kissing and… with his Liam, his beautiful, wonderful boyfriend Liam. And Harry, his best friend since they were just little kids. Together. Kissing.

Suddenly it's the only thing he can see, how they were pressed against each other, and… Niall drops to the floor and loud sobs, almost panicky, wreck his body and makes him crumble and curl up like a little ball right there on the floor.

It hurts.

He feels sick, physically sick, and he wants to hit something and he wants Liam to pick him up and hold him and tell him everything will be okay. He wants Liam to tell him he loves him.

He wants to forget what he saw and he wants to have not gone over to give Harry his videos back.

 

 

Niall has no idea how long he is on the floor but at some point the door opens and someone gasps quietly at the sight of him and sits down next to him.

"Niall."

It's Liam. Niall gets up from the floor so quickly it makes him dizzy. He can't look at Liam and he doesn't want Liam to talk because he will just say all the things Niall doesn't want to hear.

Liam is getting up as well now, "Niall, please let me explain."

"No."

He locks himself in the bedroom and sits up against the door, he can hear Liam's breathing on the other side. "Niall, I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen, I never wanted for you to get hurt. And neither did Harry."

The mention of Harry's name shocks him for some reason, makes his body feel cold and empty – it's like he doesn't want to hear the name because that will only confirm that it was indeed Harry.

 _Please no. Please don't do this_. He's not sure if he's speaking out loud or it it's just a crying voice in his own head.

"Niall, we are so, so sorry and we feel awful."

 _Please stop saying 'we'_.

"I love you Niall, I do, but things have changed and this thing with Harry… please don't hate me, Niall, please say something, anything, please." Liam is pleading but Niall can't say anything, he tries to but nothing comes out of his mouth. He tries to calm himself down but it's not working – he wants to scream.

"Niall, maybe it's best that I leave, I can't ask you for forgiveness yet, I know, but maybe someday you'll… Niall, please talk to me."

Silence. Then he can hear Liam get up and walk away.

_No..._

_No._

_No!_

He scrambles for the door and runs to the front door, catching Liam as he is about to open the door. "Please don't leave me, Liam, please don't. Please stay, I can't… you have to stay."

He's clinging to him, crying into his shoulder.

"Oh Niall, don't do this, I can't…" Liam gives in for a moment, arms around Niall; Niall can hear him crying, "you're making this so hard for me."

"I love you, Liam, I love you. Please don't leave me." He knows he's sounding needy and desperate and pathetic but he doesn't care. He just needs Liam to stay.

Liam tries to pull away, and Niall knows he has lost. "Niall, please don't do this, please don't, I can't see you like this, I have to leave now."

And then Liam is gone, Niall just manages to close the door before he is back on the floor and crying like the last couple of hours didn't just happen, certain he can actually feel his heart, and every other part of his body breaking.

 

 

He falls into an uneasy and restless sleep, and maybe he can hear people come in but he doesn't have the energy to wake up, but he feels strong arms pick him up and carry him to bed.

When he does eventually wake up the first thing he sees is Aiden's eyes. Aiden is next to him, stroking his hair, and just that simple gesture makes him want to cry again. "Niall, hey," Aiden says and tries to smile.

"How could he do this to me, Aiden?"

Aiden sighs and links their fingers, "I don't know babe, I don't know."

There is really no need to specify which 'he' Niall is talking about, it doesn't matter, and Aiden doesn't know the answer anyway.

Aiden sits up. "Matt is making us dinner, because you know, food is your favourite." Niall appreciates Aiden trying to make him smile, but it's hopeless right now.

"Liam is my favourite," he says to no one in particular. "Where is he now?"

Aiden looks confused, "Who? Liam?"

"Yes, where is he? – Is he with-?"

"No. No, he told Matt he would be staying with Louis until he works something out."

"Okay," Niall says and nods, at least he's not with…

"Don't think about it Niall, it'll drive you crazy."

It nearly drives him crazy anyway.

 

 

Niall doesn't leave his bed for a week. He feels pathetic because it's not like anyone has died, but it's still a personal tragedy for him and Liam has been such a big part of his life, of him, that he needs to mourn losing him. Aiden and Matt are there with him, and if Niall was able to understand irony or humor right now, he would see how stupidly funny it is that Aiden and Matt are once again living in this flat being the supportive best friends in the middle of heartbreak and misery. Matt especially is the most patient person in the world.

Niall wakes up on the seventh morning feeling disgusting and cried out. Well, maybe not cried out, but at least he is able to see things besides his own pain. He searches for Matt and Aiden and find them, asleep, snuggled up on the sofa, TV still on. They must have fallen asleep like that last night. He spots the picture of him and Liam he had put up on the wall when they moved in and it shocks him for a moment. He doesn't understand – they were so happy. They were going to be together forever – they were going to get married someday. And now? Now it's just emptiness. He wonders what Liam is doing right now, where he is. If he's happy. When he feels the all too familiar burning of tears he turns around and leaves the room before he gets too lost in hurt again.

 _Focus on taking a shower, Niall, you can do that_ , he tells himself.

Aiden is awake when he is finished in the bathroom, waiting for Niall in the kitchen, making breakfast for all of them. "Hey, you're up," he says brightly when Niall enters.

"Now that's a clever observation."

Aiden smiles brighter than ever, "Oh Niall," he exclaims and wraps him up in a tight hug. "Let's eat."

They sit and eat in silence for a while. Suddenly Niall feels like he has to ask. "How did you guys even know what happened? You were here so soon after Liam…" He can't bring himself to say the word 'left'.

Aiden stops eating and looks up at him. "Liam called Matt, after he left here. It was hard to understand him he was so upset, but he told what happened and that we should come be with you. It was good he called Matt too, because I would have just… well, yeah. I wouldn't have been as understanding as Matt was."

Niall manages his first smile. "That's probably why he called Matt."

Aiden grins, "Well, yeah." He sighs loudly, "Niall, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this at all. And your best friend too, I… I'm so sorry."

Niall reaches over and touches his arm, "Don't say sorry, it's not your fault." He doesn't really want to talk about it, but they need to have this conversation eventually and since they've already sort of started… "Have you talked to Harry?"

Saying Harry's name feels wrong and the sound feels like betrayal.

"He's called me a couple of times. He's tried to explain, but I don't know how he wants to explain something like that. He says he feels like shit and he didn't want it to happen, but they're in lov-" Aiden's eyes grows wide and his expression is once of horror, "Shit Niall, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that!"

"Stop apologizing for fucks sake Aiden!" He stands up abruptly and leaves the room. Aiden's words echo in his mind and he hates himself for snapping at Aiden who has been nothing but understanding and awesome and like the best friend he is, but he can't help it. He feels sick and awful and like he can't breathe. _In love_. He hates Harry. His best friend with the pretty curls and blinding smile and sweet personality who was shagging his boyfriend – he fucking hates him. Niall knows that's not the truth though – he's only this devastated because he loved Harry and trusted Harry and he never saw it coming at all. The betrayal only hurts this much because he loved his best friend so much.

He crawls back into bed. He can hear voices talking in the hallway. "Aiden, don't worry, Niall is not angry at you, he's angry at everything right now. Two steps forward, one step back, that's how it is."

 

 

It gets better, slowly, after that. He goes to work again and one day he realises that Matt and Aiden have moved back home again.

One day he takes down all the pictures of Liam and he lets himself dwell on the memories for a while. It hurts. It hurts like fucking hell. Sometimes he almost calls Liam and begs him to come back home, wanting to tell him he will do anything to make the relationship work. But, other times, not as often but it still happens, he thinks he will be okay. He and Liam had gotten so close, so comfortable, that maybe they forgot to be a couple and to be two individuals with dreams and desires. Unlike other couples they hadn't grown apart, they had just grown together and then just stopped… growing at all from then on.

He wants to focus on himself now. He still misses Liam like crazy. He misses Harry, too, but he hasn't seen any of them since that day. He knows they have both tried calling him and they've come here, but he doesn't open the door. He just can't deal with either of them right now, and he certainly can't deal with them as a couple. His heart is still too fragile and just the thought of them together and the one image he has in his head makes him want to cry. He knows from Aiden that Liam is living with Louis, but he also overheard Matt telling one of his band mates that his 'mate Louis has a spare bedroom where we can practice' and Louis only has that one extra room. Also, he's not an idiot.

 

 

He sees them together by accident one day in the park. He just came to get some fresh air during his lunch break and there they are. Sitting on a bench. They're holding hands and they're laughing. They look happy. They look like a big fucking happy cliché.

He goes back to his office, he needs to prepare for the job interviews he's in charge of next week anyway and he doesn't need this.

It hits him then that if he wants to move on with his life he has to move on without them. He loves them both as much as he wants to hate them, and maybe they could've someday been friends again, but someday isn't going to work for him. He is living now and he can't wait for someday.

 

 

It's exactly two months since that day he walked into Harry's kitchen and his world turned upside down. He's forgotten that he doesn't open the door when he doesn't already know who's knocking, and Harry is standing there.

"Harry."

Harry smiles hesitantly at him, "Hi."

Niall is not prepared for this. He doesn't know what to say at all.

"Niall, I wanted to apologize."

"You want to apologize?"

"Yes, I… I hurt you and I did the most awful thing and I'm so, so sorry. I hope… I hope you can forgive me…"

Niall can feel the anger bubbling inside him and he tries to stay calm. "You were my best friend and you were having an affair with my boyfriend."

Harry rubs his eyes and looks down. "It's not like that, I-"

"Bullshit Harry! That's exactly how it was, don't lie to me!"

"I didn't-"

"Stop it, Harry, there's no point in lying about it anymore, so tell me the fucking truth!"

Harry looks up again, anger in his eyes too, and Niall wants to slap him because he does not have the right to be angry. "Okay! Okay, that is exactly how it was, but I love him, Niall, I fell in love with him, and I'm sorry, I tried to stop it but I couldn't, and I still can't!" Harry steps towards him and reaches out his hand. Niall doesn't take it. "I'm sorry for yelling, and you have every right to be angry. If you can ever forgive me, I want us to be friends again."

"No." Niall can tell Harry is on the verge of crying, but he has to be honest. "No, Harry. I may someday forgive you, but we can never be friends again. How could I ever trust you?"

Harry hugs him then, whispering 'sorry, sorry' into his hair and Niall hugs him back. It's too late for anything else now.

"If you ever change your mind…"

"I won't."

Before Harry leaves he gives Niall a letter. Niall doesn't look at it because he has a feeling what it's going to be. When he settles into bed that night he takes it out again and yes, that is Liam's neat handwriting. It's short but it's very Liam, and it's the end.

 

 

**_Zayn, June 2016_ **

_Fuck this fucking shit, fuck_ Zayn thinks as he rips the tie off, frustrated. He looks at himself in the mirror for the 118th time in the last ten minutes. He always takes pride in his appearance, but today it is extra important that he looks his best – he wants to impress. He doesn't have the best qualifications because most of his former jobs have been in bars or nightclubs, so first impression is so super important today. It's the first job interview he has had for a proper job and he _needs_ it. He doesn't want to be stuck at where he is now – he wants to move _up_.

He has just come home from a month in Argentina and if he gets this job he will be ready to start his new life.

 

 

He gets to the location only five minutes ahead of time, so he sees the person being interviewed before him leave. He looks professional, but not as attractive as Zayn himself, if he's being honest (which he always is, by the way, about everything.)

Zayn is not conceited or self-obsessed, he tells himself, but he knows he is good-looking and he knows he can have anyone he wants. It's not even a challenge anymore. Which is a shame, really, because he likes the chase. That's why he started pursuing Louis, his last boyfriend, because he was taken. Louis gave in pretty quickly, though, and that short relationship wasn't particularly successful. That's probably mostly his fault – he is no good at relationships and he doesn't like to feel tied down to one person. He's too young for that, he thinks.

"Mr. ehhh, Malik?" a voice says, and he gets up and stretches out his hand, "Yes, that's me."

"Hi, I'm Niall, I'm the managing director's assistant, I'm doing the interviews."

"Hi."

"Okay, come on in then."

So _Niall_ talks a lot, tells him about the job, asks him questions and he tries to answer correctly and in a way that will make him sound smart. But mostly he focuses on Niall's very blond hair and very blue eyes. He knows he shouldn't be thinking about those things, because Niall is cute and normally he would be trying to pull, but not anymore. He wants to be serious about this and he is not going to ruin his chances by doing or saying something inappropriate.

He is awfully cute though. If he doesn't get this job it would totally be okay to shag him, though, wouldn't it?

Niall stops talking, and Zayn smiles, "So, really, I'd be the assistant's assistant?"

Niall smiles back at him, "Yeah, pretty much."

"Well," Zayn says as he stands up, "I'll be looking forward to hearing from you. Hopefully it'll be good news."

"Yes, I'll call as soon as I know anything."

Zayn feels hopeful and excited as he leaves – he knows he will get this job.

 

 

And he does.

Niall calls him the next day. "Mr. Malik? You've got the job!" He is happy, but mostly focused on the Irish accent. It is indeed lovely.

He goes out to celebrate that night with some old friends and Louis. Because they're still pretty good friends. He is too drunk by the time he drags a random guy home with him and he instantly regrets it the next morning because, shit, it's his first day at the new job today and of course he had to go out and get drunk and he will be hung-over all day, fucking great. He kicks the guy out and spends the next hour trying to be just remotely presentable. He thinks he manages okay because he doesn't look dead anymore when he checks himself in the mirror before he heads out.

He makes it there on time, thank fuck, and Niall is waiting for him. "Mr. Malik hey,"

Zayn has never been more annoyed at hearing his own last name so many times from the same person. It's weird that he only knows Niall as Niall, but Zayn is Mr. Surely it should be the other way around? But he is just the assistant and it's his first day so he doesn't want to complain. Niall shows him around, and tells him what to do today and they actually get along pretty great. He notices that it is very easy to make Niall laugh and that's a good thing because he has a really nice smile. Three hours later he feels that they know each other well enough to say something.

"You can call me Zayn, if you like."

"Zayn?" Niall looks confused.

"Yes, that's my name."

"Oh, of course, sorry, yes, okay, Zayn." Niall looks flustered all of a sudden, and he squints his eyes, like something has just clicked in his mind. "That's an… interesting name."

Zayn laughs. "You think so?"

Niall just nods and doesn't speak to Zayn anymore that day at all. It irritates Zayn more than he wants to admit.

 

 

The next day Zayn finds Niall by the fax machine, "Hey, I'm sorry if I said something that offended you yesterday. I didn't mean to."

Niall looks up at him confused, "What do you mean?"

"I thought we were getting along great and then suddenly you don't talk to me at all?"

"Oh," Niall says, "No, I didn't mean to do that, I was just a little… awkward."

"Why?"

"Do you know a guy named Louis Tomlinson?"

Now Zayn is really confused. What has Louis got to do with this all of a sudden? He fucking hates it when this happens – he knows he has been with a lot of people, and it's really inconvenient when – he is suddenly filled with dread because Louis had a boyfriend and maybe – but he is pretty sure his name wasn't Niall. He realizes that Niall is still waiting for an answer.

"I do yes, why?"

Niall sighs too loudly. "It's… nothing."

"Obviously it's not nothing."

"I know Louis… and Harry, too, well, I used to anyway."

_Shit._

"Oh". What else is he supposed to say? "Not anymore – wait, are you that Niall – the one with the boyfriend who was –"

Niall's face falls and Zayn wishes he had just kept his big mouth shut, "Shit, sorry, Niall, I didn't mean to bring it up. Louis just told me about it."

Niall shakes his head, but he still looks so sad, "Don't worry about it, I'm moving on."

"Good for you, man."

Niall finally smiles, just a little, but it's still a smile. When Zayn is sitting at his desk again he thinks back over all the things Louis has told him about the situation. He gets a sudden urge to find Niall and hug him, because someone as sweet as Niall doesn't deserve to be treated that way, and fuck yes, he knows he's a hypocrite because he slept with a guy who was in a relationship, but he didn't even know Harry, so it's not as bad. Well, that's what he tells himself. And that wasn't even the only time he has done something like that. Zayn is no angel, he knows, but he is trying to change that.

He tries to not start thinking about why he is having this kind of affection for someone he doesn't even know that well.

 

 

He really loves his new job. He feels so mature and grown up – in a proper office with co-workers; he hadn't thought he would enjoy this kind of thing, he was mostly doing it for the money, but he does really like it. The guys in the office are awesome, too, especially Niall. He is definitely attracted to Niall and he knows Niall fancies him back, but he won't let it happen. Zayn doesn't know how to do relationships, and he doesn't want to hurt Niall and they would still have to work together, so he can't just take him home for the night and then dump him, and he can't try the relationship thing with Niall because what if it doesn't work out, which it won't, he knows it won't.

He has been there for two weeks when he decides that Niall needs to have a bit of fun, because they are friends now, well he thinks they are, and Niall looks so lonely when he comes in every morning.

"Niall, hey man, want to go out with me and some mates tonight?"

Niall looks surprised, but pleased to be invited. "Eh, sure, yeah, why not"

"Awesome"

 

 

They meet out in front of this new pub Zayn had heard about. He's asked a couple of mates, yes, including Louis, to come as well, to make it seem less like a date. He doesn't want Niall to get the wrong impression. It's the first time they are hanging out outside of work and it's a little weird to stand here waiting, but then Niall walks towards him, same smile as always, and it's normal again.

"Hey Zayn," the familiar voice says and Zayn hugs him. Niall smells really good, too, like… he doesn't know, something sweet, and he maybe holds on for two seconds longer than he usually would have.

_Just friends, Zayn, remember that, just friends. Definitely not anything more, it's for the best._

They walk inside, and Niall freezes for a moment when he sees Louis, but he gets over it quickly. "Louis!"

Louis looks up, confused when he sees Niall. "Niall, mate, what are you – wait, this is the Niall you've been talking about?"

Zayn nods, "Yes, I heard you know each other, and well, I thought we should all just hang out."

It was a bit of a risk, he knows, inviting Louis along as well, but it seems to be going okay. He and Niall are deep in conversation, and even though Zayn kind of wants Niall for himself, he's happy that they seem to be getting along.

Zayn goes to the bar to get more drinks and on his way back to the table Niall, now tipsy, hugs him and says, "I'm really happy you asked Lou to come, I've really missed him."

"I'm happy that you're happy," Zayn says and smiles. Niall looks so bright and happy and he wants nothing more than to kiss him right there, but he can't. "I'm going to go call my friends Aiden and Matt and ask them to go – man, we're gonna rock this tonight!"

Yeah, definitely drunk.

Later, Niall is dancing on the table with Zayn's friend Logan, and Louis is in hysterics and not helping Zayn keep them from falling off at all, but Zayn can't stop laughing either. "MAIDEN!" Louis suddenly shouts and jumps up and runs into the crowd. When he comes back he has two new guys with them, and of course, that's Matt, Zayn recognizes him from a bar where he used to work, and the other guy looks somewhat familiar too.

"Hey guys," he says. Aiden looks a bit apprehensive, but it only takes about two shots before he forgets about that. They are all sitting around the table and Niall has squeezed himself in between Zayn and Matt, and Zayn starts looking around the pub for anyone else to catch his attention but he keeps feeling Niall's shoulder bumping against his and the way their thighs are rubbing together, and he keeps going back to Niall. There is no one else he wants. This is a first for him.

_Friends, Zayn, friends. You work together and you don't want to hurt him._

"Don't you think Zayn is so pretty?" Niall shouts over at Aiden, giggles and leans his head on the table, looking up first at Aiden and then Zayn. "Like really, really pretty."

He knows this is drunk Niall talking, and Aiden just rolls his eyes, like whatever, but oh god this is going to be so difficult. And he is used to being able to have anyone he wants.

 

 

They all leave at about five in the morning. It's been the best night out in a long time. Louis went home with Zayn's friend Alex, he thinks, he couldn't ask because it was impossible to separate them. Matt and Aiden left in a taxi, and now he's standing here alone with Niall. Well, it's more like he's holding Niall up, waiting for a taxi.

"I think you're fucking gorgeous, Zayn," Niall slurs against his shoulder.

"And I think you're fucking wasted."

Niall pouts, "So you don't think I'm pretty?"

"That's not what I said," he answers, "I think you're adorable."

He looks down and at the same moment Niall looks up and their eyes meet. Zayn's heart skips a beat and he instantly knows he's in trouble.

 

 

Zayn is miserable and tired and sick all of the next day, but he can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop thinking about it at all.

 

 

_**Aiden, July and August 2016** _

When Niall is sighing loudly and slumping dramatically back in his seat Aiden thinks, not for the first time, 'What the actual fuck is wrong with my friends – am I the only normal one left?'

He just continues to stare at Niall from across the table, because he knows a rant is coming. They haven't been best friends since forever for nothing.

"I just – fuck! It hurts, okay, I know I have no right to feel hurt because we aren't anything, but it's just – argh!"

Niall has come over, yet again, to complain and moan about this whole situation with Zayn. It's not a normal weekend morning without Niall sitting at this table wanting sympathy and understanding anymore it seems, and really, Aiden doesn't know why he still puts up with it. (The truth is, though, he wouldn't have it any other way, he loves being the best friend). And apparently, last night, Zayn took home so guy, again, and now Niall wants to _die, okay, just wants to die._

"Niall, I love you, but you need to either just tell him how you feel or let it go. It's not going anywhere as it is now, do something about it!" Aiden says, and it's similar to what he has told Niall every single day since that night they all went out together four weeks ago. He knows Niall and Zayn have become very good friends, but Niall obviously wants more. Aiden is also pretty certain that Zayn fancies Niall, but he is not going to mention this to Niall as long as it appears that Zayn is not ready to do anything about his feelings – he doesn't want Niall to get hurt. _Again_.

Niall looks up at him, a desperately sad look on his face, "I know, Aid, I know, but I just… can't. He's… Zayn, and he's gorgeous and funny and, I just _want_ him so bad – and not just in a sexual way, but I want all of him," he sighs and looks down again before continuing, "but he doesn't like me like that."

"Are you sure about that?" Aiden asks.

Niall looks up again, his facial expression clearly screaming _don't give me any false hopes_. "Yes" is all he says though. Aiden is not so sure, though. He doesn't know Zayn that well yet, but he just feels that there is more to the story. He's not going to express his views that it appears that every guy Zayn brings home resembles Niall in some way.

He's not going to bother with thinking about that today – today he is just supposed to be Niall's friend and listen to his misery and angst.

 

 

He asks Louis when they meet for a coffee and a chat at a café in town. "Lou, you know Zayn better than any of the rest of us, honestly, how does he feel about Niall – like, really?"

Louis looks hesitant, biting his lip, like he is not sure if he should reveal anything, but still really wanting to. "They're friends," he finally says.

Aiden raises his eyebrows, tilting his head, "Lou, _I know_. You know what I am talking about."

"I know, but Aid, Zayn is my friend and I promised not to say anything."

"I understand that, but it's for the best, you must be able to see that. Don't you think they deserve this – that Zayn deserves a real loving relationship? That Niall deserves not to hurt anymore? To be happy?"

Louis grins then, shaking his head fondly at Aiden, "Okay, okay, you've made your point."

 

 

As he walks home two hours later he thinks about what Louis has told him. He knows he has to do something about this, because neither Niall nor Zayn are ever going to, apparently, the fools. He decides that maybe he should just pay Zayn a casual visit. Aiden is really not pushy or nosey… he's just involved, and, fuck him, but he cares. And it's not his fault he is everyone's agony aunt, okay.

He stops by the library on the way to return some books and he can't help but look through the aisles of books even though he should be hurrying home to make dinner.

"Aiden?" a familiar voice says and he looks up.

"Harry?" It's been months since he's last seen Harry, not since Liam left Niall, but it feels like much longer because so much has happened in the past few months. Harry looks just like he always has, and Aiden feels a tug at his heart, longing perhaps, because he really misses Harry a lot.

Harry smiles tentatively. "So, still spend most of your time in the library I see," he says. Aiden simply nods, "Yeah, I guess."

It's awkward. Like really, really super awkward. "So," Harry finally says, "how's life?"

"It's good. Same as always, I guess. You know me – I'm pretty predictable."

Harry laughs. "You are. And Matt?"

"Doing great, too. He's got a meeting with a record company next week, so we're pretty excited about that."

Harry's eyes light up and he smiles a proper Harry smile. "Wow, that's awesome, congratulations. Like he always hoped."

Aiden smiles back. "Thanks, man."

Harry looks awkward again, and Aiden knows him well enough to know what he really wants to ask. "And… how is Niall?"

It's like Harry is almost holding his breath, hoping for good news, that Niall is okay, so maybe, maybe, one day… (Aiden knows it's never going to happen, but he won't say it.)

"He's doing great, Harry, considering everything. He's in love."

Harry looks a bit shocked, but in a good, happy way, "Someone we know?" he asks.

Aiden is not sure what to say, he feels like maybe he should mention Zayn, just to make Harry feel just a tiny percent of the hurt Niall felt by making him know that they all socialize with Zayn and consider him a friend, but really, what good would that information do Harry and what is the point anymore?

"No."

They exchange a few minutes of boring, casual, polite conversation that is very unlike them; Aiden asks about Liam and Harry's entire face lights up and he actually _blushes_ and it's both cute and sickening. "Oh, he's, you know, the same." And then "We both really miss you guys."

"Yeah, well…"

He doesn't have to say anything more.

When they say goodbye it's friendly and nice and Harry asks if they should hang out sometime and Aiden says, yes, sure, why not, but they both already seem to know that it is never going to happen. They can't go back to how it used to be now, even if they both really want to. There's been too much shit happening and yeah, that's it.

 

 

Two days later it's the same story with Niall again hanging out in his kitchen as miserable as ever. And now Aiden has had enough.

Determined he takes the bus to Zayn's flat when Niall has left and he lets himself in before Zayn even has a chance to say hello.

"Okay Zayn," he says, "We need to do something about this," he says and looks at Zayn, just out of bed and looking sleepy and confused. "I'm sorry but… what?"

Aiden is frustrated because why in the world are everyone around him clueless, pathetic idiots?

"Zayn, I'm talking about Niall. Why are you doing this to him?"

Zayn still looks puzzled, but slightly panicky as well. "I'm not doing anything to Niall, what are you talking about?"

_Oh for fucks sake._

"Zayn, I'm talking about how you both obviously have feelings for each other and how you seem to avoiding doing anything about it. I understand you are afraid of commitment or whatever, but either you are going to take a chance with Niall or you are going to just leave him alone. Whatever it is you guys are doing now, this whole just friends thing, is not working out for anyone."

Zayn rubs a hand over his face, understanding what Aiden is on about, and guides Aiden into the living room and they sit down. "I can't explain it Aiden, you wouldn't understand."

He does understand because Louis has already explained it to him, but he wants Zayn to tell him. "Try me."

Zayn groans loudly, closing his eyes, like he's giving up on keeping a cool façade. "Niall is my friend and we work together and I would never want to hurt him." He looks over at Aiden, expecting him to say something back, but he keeps a blank face, encouraging Zayn to keep on talking. "I've never been in love before," he blushes, "I've never even been in a proper relationship. I wouldn't… I wouldn't know _how_ to do it – to be in a relationship. I'd only screw it up and I don't want to do that to Niall."

"You don't think he is worth the risk?"

Zayn shoots him an almost disapproving look. "But if I screw up I will lose him forever, and I don't want to."

"What if you don't, though? What are you giving up by never taking that chance?"

Zayn blinks several times, smiles and shakes his head, "You are impossible to argue with, aren't you?"

Aiden smiles in return. "Yes." He then turns serious again, "Look, Zayn, Niall is crazy about you. You obviously feel the same way. I understand that you are scared, but you have to, _you have to_ , at least try."

Zayn is about to protest, but Aiden cuts him off, "And yes, Niall could get hurt, but he is hurting right now, as it is, and I think you know this could be something great."

Zayn doesn't speak after that, staring out the window like he's deep in thought and has forgotten about Aiden being in his flat. Aiden thinks that is a good sign. He leaves Zayn like that, leaving quietly without disturbing him further.

 

 

His curiosity is almost killing him, and he is maybe a little bit snappy with Matt, the poor guy, but he doesn't hear from Niall for days and oh god, he just wants to hear what is going on. So when Matt one night hugs him and tells him to just go over there and find out, he finally has an excuse to do so. Because Matt told him to, and that is a legitimate reason. Really, honestly, it is.

Niall is not home though and Aiden hopes, really, really hopes that his suspicions are correct.

They are.

He lets himself in (like he always does) and he sees Niall and Zayn standing in the corner of the living room (the same spot Aiden himself was in less than a week ago). They don't see him and he doesn't say anything, he just watches them.

They are standing very close, Niall has his arms wrapped around Zayn's waist, Zayn's hand on his face, slowly stroking his cheek. Zayn is talking quietly, so quietly that it is impossible for Aiden to hear what is being said, his eyes shining with sincerity and Niall is smiling brighter than ever before, face slightly red, tears in his eyes. Zayn stops talking and Niall nods, and then Zayn is leaning in.

Aiden feels like he is interrupting a very private, genuine moment and he should leave. When he closes the door behind him he takes a moment to smile happily to himself. Maybe he can finally find some time for Matt now.

 

 

Two weeks later he and Matt are hosting a 'dinner party' (what a terribly grown up thing to do) and invite Louis and Alex and Niall and Zayn. In this group of new couples who won't stop kissing even when they're eating, all of them smiling and giggling and pink-faced from newfound love, Aiden looks at Matt and think that maybe soon it is time for the next step in their relationship. Matt returns his smile and Aiden doesn't know, but Matt already has that part planned.

 

 

**_Matt, September 2016_ **

When he asks Aiden to be his forever, Aiden's eyes grow bigger than ever before (and that's saying something), and his mouth is hanging open, stuttering like a beautiful fool, having no idea how to form words at all, and he does look like a bit like a twat, but he is Aiden and it doesn't matter because he says yes yes yes, and that is all that is important to Matt, in the end.

He had considered proposing when they had all the people they love around, at the dinner party last week, but ended up deciding that it would be better if they were alone, just the two of them. It's not like he thought Aiden might say no, not at all, but he wouldn't want Aiden to feel pressured to say or do anything because of all the people around him.

They keep it a secret for the rest of the week, but invite their friends and family over the next Saturday night to tell them all the happy news.

When they welcome Zayn and Niall, the last people to arrive, both a bit red in the face and Matt doesn't want to know what went on in the taxi on their way over here, Niall, though, only needs to take one look at Aiden to see what is going on. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," he says, staring at Aiden, beaming, "Oh Aiden, this is- oh my god-"

"Shut up, Niall!" Aiden stops him, "it's still a secret, so don't say anything with all these people around, he continues, nodding his head over to the large group of people in the living room. Niall claps a hand over his mouth, nodding his head, still smiling like an idiot, and Zayn looks at Niall, then Aiden, then Matt, and then back to Niall, utterly confused, "What is going on here?"

"We will tell you later, Zayn," Matt just says, throwing an arm around Zayn and laughing at the sight of Niall dragging Aiden towards the bedroom, no doubt demanding all the details of this new development.

"I mean really, what is going on? Where are they goin-"

"Zayn," Matt sighs, "just wait for ten minutes. Don't worry, Niall is not dragging Aiden away to attempt to seduce him or whatever you're thinking."

Zayn's raises his eyebrows, about to protest, but Matt cuts him off, "I know how a new boyfriend's mind works, Zayn, don't try to deny it. But don't worry – it's nothing like that at all."

"Okay. But I wasn't thinking-" Zayn is stopped in his denials by Louis grabbing him and hugging him. "Zayner! Finally you guys made it. Doing the fashionable late entrance I see – yeah, just like you, man," Louis laughs. Matt can't help but enjoy Zayn's confusion and constant looks at the bedroom door for the ten minutes Aiden and Niall are gone, it's cute in a stupid way.

 

 

Everyone is so happy and excited for them. Niall is still buzzing about being best man, and he won't shut up about it for the entire evening (or indeed, the three months up until the wedding, but that's another story) while Louis and Zayn seem mostly focused on the stag party they get to have, apparently it's going to be the most awesome, fantastic, fucking crazy party ever. So it turns out being Alex who has to sit with Aiden in the kitchen for the obligatory marriage freak-out. Matt would come help him out if he wasn't constantly being hugged by bandmates and friends and family members. He doesn't have to worry about it though, because the freak-out only last about five minutes and then Louis is slapping Aiden (gently, of course) for being a sentimental fool and then Niall is slapping Louis (also gently) for slapping Aiden. Not for the first time Matt feels much older than the rest of them. And, well, he is, but oh my god, these crazy, crazy kids. He tells himself, once again, that he only associates with them because they are Aiden's friends, but that's not really true. He loves them.

 

 

When the party is over and almost everyone has gone home, Matt and Aiden are hanging out in their living room with Louis, Alex, Niall and Zayn. No one is saying anything, just enjoying the quiet, and Matt is pretty sure that all of them are having some sort of meaningful internal dialogue with themselves about recent events. For him getting married kind of seemed like the next logical thing to do with their relationship, but he must admit that of course it is a big deal. It's fucking huge, which Louis has kindly reminded him of all night, but it doesn't scare him at all. He is ready for it.

He looks at Aiden who looks tired, his eyes keep closing, but then shoot open when he realizes they still have people in their home, and it's adorable. He looks happy, blissful even. Matt feels proud that he is the reason for this.

He looks over at Louis and Alex who are cuddled up in the bean bag over in the corner. Alex is braiding, or attempting to at least, Louis' hair while Louis is looking thoughtful and occasionally swatting away Alex' hands. They're not _dating_ dating, they're more just… hooking up a lot and enjoying each other's company. Matt is not sure what is going to happen with them, but for now they make each other happy, so there's really nothing else to say or think about that.

Zayn and Niall are a completely different story, that is obvious to everyone around them. They are so in love, it's almost embarrassing sometimes. Niall does nothing to hide his heart-eyes or the way he sometimes even fucking _swoons_ a little bit when he looks at his (admittedly gorgeous) boyfriend, but Zayn at least attempts to remain a sense of coolness, but as soon as they are alone or somewhere more private, he's not embarrassed to show how he feels about his boyfriend. Right now they are lying side by side, staring up at nothing, whispering softly. Matt sees as Zayn turns his head slightly towards Niall, muttering something, and then Niall blushes and turns his head to look at Zayn. They kiss slowly, and Niall has a tight grip on Zayn's shirt as if he's afraid Zayn will disappear if he lets him go.

Niall was engaged once, but they don't talk about that anymore. Louis once bought an engagement ring too, but he never actually got around to using it. That's not something they talk about either. Mostly because it doesn't matter anymore, and who cares anyway. Let's live for the future.

 

 

By the end of September Matt is happy they chose a short engagement (the wedding is in December), because Aiden is turning into a little bridezilla and Niall is not making it any better. Matt originally tried to help them with the planning, but soon found out that that wasn't a particular good idea, and it was better he distracted himself by hanging out the with the other boys or rehearsing with his band. He likes it though when Aiden comes home and is too exhausted to do anything but cuddle and have sex. It's not something he's going to complain about. Zayn sometimes calls Matt to complain about the lack of time this means he gets to have alone with Niall. Matt listens, and when Zayn asks him why he isn't complaining about it too he just tries to explain that when you've been together for so many years you can be away from each other for a few hours and still be able to enjoy your life. Zayn doesn't get it, but he will someday. Matt is happy; happy about Aiden, happy about his music and his band and the record contract, and happy about life in general. He's pretty lucky, after all, so what's there to be unhappy about. It's been an eventful year and it's not even close to over yet. Neither are his and Aiden's story, or Niall and Zayn's or Louis and Alex's story. Or Harry and Liam's story, wherever in the world they are now. They are only young still, there is plenty of life left to live.


End file.
